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- The Sacred Art of Quitting, Part 2
Highlights: Stage 0-1, Bossy Bosses (new section!), The Rule of Threes
Hello again. I’m just gonna jump right in this week because I have a lot of thoughts and few exciting life updates. Mostly I’ve just been working and trying to figure out how to exercise again.
In the last post I talked a lot about Ineffective Quitting but not as much about Effective Quitting. Probably because it feels significantly harder to sniff out. Part of my difficulty with the two types of quitting is that the first (ineffective) often disguises itself as the second (effective). Incase you missed the last post, here are the two definitions again.
Effective Quitting: Quitting when I recognize that my current goal, or the work necessary to achieve it, no longer aligns with my values, or the goal itself has changed entirely. It’s also when I quit because I lack the time, energy, money, or resources to effectively work towards my goal at the present time.
Ineffective Quitting: Quitting when the goal remains the same but the work to achieve it becomes difficult, uncomfortable, or the circumstances change in such a way that the goal seems further away than when I began.
In my experience, the opportunity for effective quitting arises far less frequently than its counterpart. But the two always do battle when I come across a new and exciting interest and have to decide between the new interest and my existing priorities. Fortunately, while recently engaged in this psychological warfare, I came across a podcast episode in which Cody Ko guested on Nick Bare’s podcast, The Nick Bare Podcast. (You can find it here.) They talked significantly about the differences between the 0-1 stage (the commitment, research, and initial creation stage of a project) and the 1-2 stage (further development, sustainability, and slow, compounded growth stage of a project). They expressed a shared preference for the zero to one stage and a loss of interest when they reach the one to two stage. I’ve related to few things more than I do to this idea.
Wow. This was one of those moments where I felt like someone had finally put words to something I’ve been feeling for a long time but been unable to articulate. I love falling in love with an idea, project, or goal. I love the chase; researching, problem solving, and obsessing over the first few steps until I get to a point where I feel like I have an inside understanding of the thing.
But then I reach the cliff. And I fall off it at the same place every time.
BOSSY BOSSES 🌟 New Section! 🌟
Hi Will! I have to say your blog is a life raft e-mail in my Monday inbox. I've tried a few things to work toward bosslessness myself, such as a brief granola bar business, but it's really hard to make it happen. At least the way I thought making it happen looks. But I've got to tell you, what's harder is my passive-aggressive boss.
Her favorite communication for sending chills and simultaneously stirring outrage is the e-mail.
Isn't e-mail intended brief, clear conversations? I dream of a positive e-mail from my boss. One with clear direction - what it is she wants me to do, why and when its' due - I mean c'mon. The blame n' shame e-mail - she has got all of her Ts crossed and her I's dotted in the slick drippy language and tone. It sucks. And it's paralyzing. I have to read through so many unnecessary sentences and non-explanations while setting my own mental health aside to figure out what she wants.
I work in finance, and I'm really thinking about beginning to create an exit plan for myself. It may or may not involve baking granola bars again, but I do know I want and need an escape from my job. Can you write about how you tame your fears, and how get curious about your barriers without freaking out? Yeah, and also deal with a boss who's a bully? These are real issues. Thanks for keeping it real every week!
Anonymous, Montpelier, VT
If you’d like to share your own bossy boss story, email [email protected] to be featured in an upcoming post!
The problem is two-fold, I think. The first issue is that I attack the one to two stage with too much at once and burn out quickly. That kind of effort and resource output is unsustainable. The second issue is that any real achievement seems to require sustained effort over a significant amount of time while consistently problem solving creatively along the way.
This thinking raised a number of questions. If I’m skilled at the zero to one stage and not so good at the following stages, should I seek out work that enables me to focus almost entirely on that first stage? Does work like that exist? Can I be a person who perseveres if I only ever work in the zero to one stage of a project? Adding to the psychological turmoil is the idea that if I could only find my passion, then I would love every second of my work and all of this would be solved. Turns out that isn’t real though. Probably…? Ugh, no it’s not!
So what to do?
Well, like I often do in this situation, I called my mom. And, like she often does, she came through with some excellent advice. While we chatted, it became clear that some of this priority conflict stems from trying to pursue too many different things at one time. I say yes far too often (to myself), so I need to be choosier about what I take on when I already have a full list of priorities.
But how do I decide when to pursue and when to pass? I want to pursue all my ideas and accomplish all my goals! My mother helpfully reminded me that a choice regarding where you put your focus in the present is just that, a choice regarding where you put your focus in the present, not the future. You can almost always make a different choice should you or the circumstances change. Okay, but, the present. How do I decide what to focus on in the present?
And then she shared with me the simple magic that is the Rule of Threes. The Rule of Threes is a somewhat protean concept, but I’ve done my best to define it below.
The Rule of Threes: Aside from my day-to-day routines and my self-care needs, I only have the time, energy, money, and resources for three main focuses in one day.
Example: In one day, in addition to my PTB job, meals, self-care, chores, etc, I might (1) clean my car, (2) work out, and (3) write a blog post.
The Rule of Threes is ruthless but I’ve found it to be very helpful in getting realistic about my priorities. It offers a guide, something objective and emotionless, that I can trust to check my own thinking against. Without it, I would continue trying to do everything at once and end up doing nothing at all. Classic.
So this week, I’m going to do just that. I going to get ruthless about my pursuits and put the one’s that don’t make the cut on hold for a bit. If you try the Rule of Threes, let me know what you think! Or, if you have another way of prioritizing your pursuits, I’d love to hear about it. You can email me at [email protected] or message me on Instagram/tweet at me @bosslessblog. I might include a few in the next post!
In closing, I’d like to leave you with a bit of constructive support my writing partner offered me after I tried to quit our project in my signature elaborate style.
“I want you to find your bliss, and if it isn’t this, that’s fine. But know that when you do, it will require you to make difficult sacrifices to see it through.”
He’s a wonderful writing partner and my best friend and his thoughtful response to my uncertainty helped me get clear about what’s important to me right now. I decided to stay on the project and I’m so glad I did.
Wishing you perseverance this week.
Will
P.S. The name Will Barnes is an alias. As mentioned in my first post, I can’t leave my current job until I have another comparable stream of income and I’d like to prevent my boss from firing me first. Please don’t seek out my real identity. I will reveal myself when the time is right.
You can reach me via email at [email protected] or on Twitter, Instagram, and Threads @BosslessBlog.
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