The Sacred Art of Quitting, Part 1

Highlights: I’m Late, Irons in the Fire, Effective Quitting and Ineffective Quitting

I dropped the ball on last week’s post. I’m still working out the kinks in my writing schedule and things slid back a bit. But I’m here. And if you’re reading this, you’re here too. I’m so glad you are.

It’s week four on my journey to Bosslessness and I’m trying to straighten out my priorities. This post has been the most difficult one to write so far. I’ve had one-too-many irons in the fire these last few weeks (months?) and I’m struggling to figure out what’s most important. In addition to my writing schedule and my PTB (pay the bills) job, I just started a long-term fitness habit and I’ve been exploring the idea of purchasing an almost-move-in-ready property to rent out. The irons in the fire. Too many.

Note: That’s not a brag about being high-functioning or busy, it’s an honest reflection on my overloaded schedule. Overloading my schedule like this is a bad habit and it prevents me from being both present and high-functioning in my day-to-day. More on this below.

As I teased in my last post, I’ve been wrestling with the concept of quitting and my reflection spawned an uncomfortable question: Am I someone who quits when things get hard? Truthfully, maybe. I’ve done hard things before, but I’m realizing that hard is relative. I think, at least in recent years, I’ve been evaluating what’s hard and what’s easy based on what’s hard and what’s easy for others. This clouds my judgment and sabotages any efforts to persevere. This combo is also really brutal on my self-esteem and I start to feel like I can’t trust my gut. A shitty (and very ineffective) place from which to operate.

So I might have developed a little habit of quitting when things get hard. That sucks. But I’m going to shift my focus to breaking the habit. To figure that out, I think I need to better understand what’s causing it. So when and why do I quit? Do I quit at the first sign of adversity? No. I love a challenge and I’m very good at thinking creatively and making things happen. Rather, I have a habit of taking on too many things at once. It seems that this overextension is what sets me up for unnecessary failure.

Additionally, while reflecting on other the times I’ve felt this way, I discovered a pattern. The pattern is this: I overextend myself, I burn out, and then I’m forced to choose which focus to eliminate. I think it’s specifically the elimination that makes me feel like I’m quitting (cause I am, sort of). The tricky part is the shame-spiral that almost always follows. I find myself considering this disheartening pattern and all the dead ends and unfinished projects it’s caused and I spin out. This pattern is painful and totally ineffective and I’ve been doing it for years. I need to figure out a new way to work.

So, it seems like the two biggest players here are the overextending (taking on too many things) and the following elimination of one or more of those things (quitting). I dove into the exploration of quitting first. I ended up splitting the concept of quitting into two different categories. They are as follows.

To distinguish between the two honestly is often a challenge and I’ve been struggling to do it effectively. I find myself concocting creative justifications for changing my goal instead of increasing my problem solving efforts. My most elaborate quitting strategy is to find a sexy new goal (overextending myself!) and obsess over it until I reach a point where I’m finally forced to reckon with the fact that it’s now taking the time, energy, and resources necessary for my other existing pursuits.

At this point, I’m confident the whole situation can be avoided if I’m more intentional and considerate when choosing whether or not to add another pursuit to my existing list. But that’s for the next week’s post (The Sacred Art of Quitting, Part 2). Right now, I need to figure out which things on my priority list need to be eliminated. To do so, I’m going to run through my list of pursuits and ask myself, “If I quit focusing on X, would I be quitting effectively or ineffectively?” Hopefully this will provide some clarity and I can move forward focusing on only the things I have the time, energy, money, and resources to pursue.

I look forward to sharing my findings in next week’s post. Until then, I wish you all clarity in your thinking. May you prioritize and take action with confidence.

With hope,

Will

P.S. The name Will Barnes is an alias. As mentioned in my first post, I can’t leave my current job until I have another comparable stream of income and I’d like to prevent my boss from firing me first. Please don’t seek out my real identity. I will reveal myself when the time is right.

You can reach me via email at [email protected] or on Twitter, Instagram, and Threads @BosslessBlog.